FAQ

Polyamory is not about having affairs or cheating on the people you love; everything is in the open and mutually agreed on, there are no secrets or lies. Polyamory is about loving people in a committed, ethical and consensual way. Polyamorous relationships might or might not be sexual, but they are loving. Polyamory is about freedom of choice in loving relationships.
One common pattern is the open marriage where both partners date other people, sometimes the same people. Another common theme is the group marriage - like a typical monogamous marriage, but with more than two people. Triads (three people) are also fairly widespread. Many of these relationships become true families with long-term commitments, children, etc.

What about Jealousy?

Most polys experience some jealousy now and then, but they don't let it control their lives. Jealousy is like fear or any other unwanted emotion: something to be dealt with and put behind you. When dealt with honestly and unflinchingly, jealousy loses much of its power. Many see jealousy as a signal that something needs investigation and care, much as they would regard depression or pain.

Are there disadvantages to being poly?

There are a few:

you have to unlearn a lot of conditioning
you may have to learn how to deal with jealousy
you have to be very honest with yourself and other people
you may have to work on your communication skills
you become a social and sexual deviant in many people's eyes
more lovers mean longer good-byes (it can take you 15 minutes to get out the door)
Most of these disadvantages are also advantages.

What sort of people are polys?

People of different ages, backgrounds and from all walks of life are polyamorous. In general, there seems to be a higher than average representation of people with advanced degrees, science fiction fans, computer and health care professionals, pagans and bisexuals. Some people fall into none of these groups. Polys are a pretty diverse bunch, but there are a few common traits and beliefs.

Common Traits:

not terribly insecure or needy or possessive
good communication skills
a love of honesty
an uncommon degree of self-knowledge
a high priority on personal growth
take responsibility for their own happiness
darn good cooks, judging by our potlucks

Common Beliefs:

strict lifetime monogamy is a myth
people are not property and can't be owned
people have a right to freedom in their choice of relationships and families
relationships exist to serve us; not the other way around
no one can meet all your needs for a lifetime

How do polys feel about monogamy?

Most polys have a "live and let live" attitude. They are happy for those people who have found happiness in monogamous relationships. However, most polys are impressed by the fact that the divorce and adultery statistics indicate that monogamy fails a good deal more than it succeeds.

60% of men and 40% of women have extra-marital affairs.

More than 50% of marriages now end in divorce.

Polys tend to see the modern American nuclear family as an recent aberration in the course of human history and believe that larger, more complex extended families or tribes have been the natural human family structure. Polys frequently believe that children are better off when they have a broad range of adult role models to relate to, instead of a single, monogamously married couple. Polys do tend to object to our culture's idealization of monogamy and suppression of alternative lifestyles.

Do you want to know ...

...how many poly people there are in the world...?

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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

We thank our proofreaders for their linguistic help in English:

-R.Tyler, see him at the Personal Ads

-Glen Jackson, see him at the Personal Ads

...And the translators:

-Everal Rimbald, Brazil, for his translation in Portuguese

We particularly thank Brian Frederick who gave us the permission to translate his texts (FAQ's, Questions to provoke, anger and amuse, A few simple things we can do to support the Polyamory movement, Poly for Dummies).http://palipaths.tripod.com/